Happy Spring!

Yes, I know Spring is almost a month old already but it finally feels like Spring to me.  Not just the weather but in the new beginning sense of the word.  Something I have been struggling with is finding a way to manage the chaos in my life, to get under control the things that cause me to feel like I’m in fast forward; the time is passing quickly but I feel like I have nothing to show for it, like when you charge the battery on your phone just enough to keep it powered on but not enough to do any long term good.  That’s the state I constantly find myself in and while sometimes it’s good for time to go fast (like Monday through Friday 8-5) the rest of the time seems to be moving even faster.  Jessica’s next birthday she will be 20.  I still cannot grasp that concept.  My beautiful, precious baby no longer a teenager.   On one hand, I’m extremely grateful for the fact that she is in school and still living at home but part of me is always in mourning for the fact that she is the only one. 

K.I.S.S.

Aka Keep It Simple Smartass…

I know the last “S” is different but stupid I am not, Smartass, most definitely!  My focus has been on simplifying which sounds easy enough but has been really challenging for me.  I’m not sure where I got some if the ideas I have about how things should be but some of them definitely need some tweaking and I’ve been trying to take one thing apart at a time but the thoughts sometimes come all at once and I try to keep them in order so I can do something with them.  One thing I did that seems to help with the clutter both on the counters and in the cabinet is I went and bought one of those shoe holders that hangs on the inside of a closet door.  I put it inside the pantry door, the pockets are deep and expand so I am using them for boxes of stuff like foil, saran wrap, Ziploc bags, etc.  I am using some of the other pockets for measuring cups, trying to figure out what else can fit in them!

Sooo…   Just over a year after the first blog post when it was created and I’m already getting to my second.  Moving right along, I’d say!  Everything changes, some things for the better, some not so much.  One of the big things that has changed is that I have truly accepted the fact that I will never again carry another baby.  It hurts my heart but I spent a lot of time in prayer about it and while I don’t like it, I think I have made my peace with it.  I’m still more than willing to adopt if the opportunity presented itself but it’s so overwhelming just thinking about finding a little one to be ours….

The biggest reason I started this blog (15 months ago!) was because I had decided I was going to start the Weight Watchers thing and so far the only thing new about my Whole New World is that I’m actually heavier.  I will say there are easy things I can identify that are, first and foremost, we started eating out a LOT!  Like, more out than at home.  Up until December of this year, I was working nights and I felt like I was on fast forward all of the time, like I was in a tailspin that I was never able to fully recover from.  It sounds ridiculous, actually, I did have “4 days off” but the truth was that while I was off on Thursdays, I did work until 7am on Thursday so I slept half of the day.  I did have Friday and the weekend but I was so drained all of the time I never felt like I caught up.  Another challenge I know I had was that I was not getting any help with any of the housework, everything fell to me with a few small exceptions like trash and some of the laundry responsibility.  It felt like no one really gave a damn, they were just more concerned with doing their thing and the fact that I was drowning didn’t really matter.  So, I’m no longer working at night which is nice but I do hate the fact that I am again working 5 days a week ‘til 5.  It really makes my evenings so short but the other side of that coin is that It’s really forced me to evaluate whether I’m willing to give up my evening to eat out, and for the most part, that answer is no.  Truthfully, I do enjoy cooking it was just difficult because my kitchen was always such a mess and I couldn’t do both but I am in the process of making changes to help that.  One big milestone for me is that I made several things for Easter Dinner this last week and was able to keep on top of it so I’m really trying to use that as a jumping off place. 

Something else I think has been working against me is that I tend to “collect” things.  Yes, it’s true that some may say “hoard” but that sounds harsh.   I’m really trying so hard to evaluate what I truly need and will realistically use and get rid of the rest.  Also trying to organize things so everything has a home, I think it’s slowing down the works but I really feel like it’s going to help me maintain the changes I’m hoping to make.  If I can keep my kitchen clean and workable, I should be able to make a better go of the Weight Watchers.  

My First!!

So, this is it.  It's time for big changes and I feel like blogging is a way to not only keep me accountable but to figure out what worked and what didn't work so great.  I will be posting pictures soon but have been delayed getting this up waiting to take them and decided no harm in posting the words before the pictures.  The obvious change I'm making is my weight.  I didn't want this to be a New Year resolution, rather a change that I am making for the rest of my life so I'm really working to set myself up to do it the right way.  I didn't get this way overnight and regardless of where I may have seen my bad habits, it is I alone that is responsible for adopting them and making them part of my life. 


The biggest, most painful consequence of my weight is that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  It is the leading cause of female infertility and, in my opinion, the cause that we ourselves can do the most to manage.   I have an amazing, beautiful 17 year old daughter whom I feel very blessed to have and if I am never able to have another, I will consider myself very lucky to have had her.  I never intended to have just one but, at least for now, it's looking like that is how it's going to work out.  We are starting to look into other avenues like adoption of a child and even frozen embryo adoption.  It really doesn't matter to me where the little one comes from, we just really want one.


My plan for this coming week is to start with the easiest changes.  Because of my schedule we've been eating out most nights.  We spend so much money doing that and, truth be told, barring a certain "Chicken House" in Texas, really aren't enjoying it.  It's killing us both financially and significantly contributing to our weight.  It's a double whammy...  costing us dearly and we're really not getting anything out of it.  The other change I'm making is the one I have absolutely struggled the most with.  I have got to get off the sauce.  Okay, for whoever may not know, I mean Pepsi.  I drink a lot of it.  I can't say that I won't drink any.  When I tried losing weight a few summers ago I still had it on the occasion's when we'd be dining out somewhere that served it but I didn't keep it in the house that is going to be in effect as of now.  I just can't keep it around because I can't ever have just one.   We are going to start Weight Watchers this week.  We were supposed to get registered this weekend but it just didn't work out so I think we're attending our first meeting on Thursday.  


That's about it for now; will keep in touch!